The Stoic solution for pain to easily find tranquility

If you are having a good day and the fruits of fortune have been bestowed on you, rejoice. But regrettably, this is temporary. Alternatively, If you are in the midst of a personal hurricane, take comfort in knowing that it too will pass. Your life is filled with both good days and bad. When things are not going well it feels like they will never get better. We all have gone through periods in our life that feel like all hope has been lost and we will never be happy again. But by looking back and recognizing that we have survived similar difficult times before and things did get better, can be source of inspiration going forward. Stoic philosophy can also provide solutions to the pain and suffering we all experience.

It’s easy to assume the issues we face in modern life are completely different than those that plagued citizens of Rome 2,000 years ago. Surprisingly, a large portion of the surviving writings of the stoic philosophers deal with similar feelings of envy, anxiety and fear. That’s because these issues are universal and transcend time and distance. All humans experience these same emotions and the words from centuries ago still provide the roadmap to peace and serenity for us today. The writings of Seneca can provide such assistance and guidance when you are in your darkest hour. The quote from below is from his book of letters.  

“How does it help, to make troubles worse by bemoaning them”

We can all relate to this, because we have all done it. On a basic level, we all know Seneca is correct. When something bad happens in my life, my first reaction is to be mad, to feel sorry for myself. And then I have the share the story of how I was wronged with anyone who will listen.  

For example, a few months ago I was grocery shopping. When I walked back to my car, I was unpleasantly surprised to see that another car had scrapped all down the side of my car. The other driver was nowhere to be seen. I was so upset I had this compulsion to share my pain. The whole incident was completely unfair. I was minding my own business and my vehicle was badly damaged through no fault of my own. The person who was at fault had fled and left me to deal with the mess he created. Basically, my initial response was to complain about it.

Unhealthy Coping

I suppose on an emotional level we seek validation and sympathy to lessen the blow of misfortune. When bad things happen, it’s a normal reaction to want to compare similar stories. Often, we can get carried away trying to outdo each other. Some people more so than others. But I can say from personal experience that this reaction certainly did not make me feel better. 

Yes, it the situation was unfortunate. It was a huge hassle to get a rental car while it was dropped off at the shop. I was responsible for paying my insurance deductible. I was a victim of someone else mistake. But the truth is, stuff like this happens all the time. It’s normal to have emotions about it. But going forward this week I will make the effort to limit the amount of mental energy I spend on dwelling on them. It happened, it is in the past, now deal with it. You do not have to tell every coworker about it. you do not have to phone you extended family and retell the story. Because every time you do, it just brings up feelings of anger and frustration. The emotions remain raw and the wound stays fresh making it slower to heal.

A Stoic technique that is still relevant

The ancient stoic philosophers used the concept of the ideal sage to help them model their attitudes and behavior. This technique works by imagining somebody you look up too being in the same difficult situation. You then model your behavior after what you assume theirs would be. Let’s face it, we all prefer to be around other people that don’t complain. We all look up to people that can face a difficult situation with equanimity and grace. We all would like to be more like those people. I invite you to work towards that. To model your behavior and attitude after someone you find admirable. Your goal should not only apply that to what you openly say, but also what you spend your time purposely thinking about. What sense does it make to ruminate on past events. Focusing on unpleasant past events only sours the present. With time and distance you will be able to gain a different, and likely more positive, view of events. We all have past events we thought were disasters that we are now able to share as funny stories.

The following words from the Roman Poet Virgil can provide comfort through difficult times.

“There may be pleasure in the memory

Of even these events one day”

Hopefully nothing as annoying as your car getting side swiped will happen to you this week but I can be sure, lots of things will not go your way. I know this, because that’s life. It’s natural to be upset about it, but you have the power to choose how much time you spend being unhappy about it. You can choose not to play the part of the victim You can instead play the virtuous sage. Join me this week with the goal to not complain to others about anything all week. Just keep these comments and stories to yourself. It will make you feel better and by spending less time ruminating about things that irritate you it will probably make me a little more pleasant to be around too.